For The Sake Of My Suffering

As I slowing sit up against the the tree.
I see the corn fields and hear the birds.
And feel the warm breeze on my face.

I have been here before.
A very long time ago.
It was different then.

Yet I don’t what that could be.
I can’t remember when I was here.
But the feeling still runs up my spine.

I lean my head against the tree.
And sleep overtakes my body.
The dreams take over where my thoughts stopped.

Yet they never give me exactly the answers.
They fly me around this field.
I look at the top of the tree.

I come down and stand in the field of corn.
Seeking answers for questions that I cannot ask.
Hours go by it seems and my eyes open.

The sun is in the west and I have a pain in my back.
As I slowly raise up I notice something about the tree.
Letters that seem to have been carved many years ago.

I can see the letters C and M and a plus sign and that is it.
I have no clue what they mean but it feels like they are apart this place.
I turned and I stood before a gate.

I opened it and walked through the rows of headstones.
None of them were people that I knew.
So why would I be here?

I fell to my knees and began to cry.
This feeling overcame me and I did not understand it.
Nor did I understand why I was so sad.

I turn and again I was back at the tree.
This time the corn was gone.
And there was sadness in the air.

OH, how I cried. I begged for it to leave.
I cried out for it to stop. I ask it why it wanted me.
Silence was the only answer in the air.

I woke up this morning and sat up on the side of the bed.
I realized I had not moved from this place for three days.
And I realized that all that I experienced. All I felt. All I seen.

All the suffering and sadness was because you were gone.
Not gone as moved away or took a trip.
But that you were dead.

Alone, I felt alone in the moment.
Lost, because I would never see you again.
Angry, for I would never be able to ask you to forgive me.

Forgive me.
All this pain, all this suffering, all this hurt.
Just because I will never be able to ask you to forgive me.

Just to forgive me.


Misguided Thoughts

He sat on the bench and watched her walking down the sidewalk, child in tow.
She mumbled under her breath as her daughter ask, “where are we going?”
At the corner the traffic light turned red making them stop and the Mother looked to the sky.

His seat was hard and he thought he would move, yet he liked the view of those passing by.
She stood looking now at the light wishing she had taken the car, as there would be less questions.
The clicking sound inside the pole turned the light green from the bright red so now they could walk.

The first drop of rain touched his nose, it was cold and made him jump.
She felt the wind then the drops of rain and they were still blocks from home.
The clicking inside the pole got louder as the water filled the bottom and cause it to run faster.

He walked to the cafe across the street and ordered a coffee sitting next to the window.
She picked her daughter up and was running the last steps to the porch to get out of the rain.
The clicking stopped inside the pole and the lights went off.

He raised his head off the pillow as the clicking started again.
The Guard stopped with a smirk on his face, then took his night stick and walked on.
The lights came on and the rain fell outside the jail cell.

Twenty years that clicking sound,
Twenty years that woman talked about him.
Twenty years that little girl laughed.

And twenty years he lived in the cell known as number 679017
Tomorrow number 679017 would be laid to rest in lot 5 section 20.
In a place called the Potters Field.