I want to say your name,
But I look out and it starts to rain.
It brings back all the pain.
I can’t understand.

I want to feel you skin again,
But I look out and it starts to rain.
It brings back all the pain.
I just want you back again.

I want you to kiss me again.
But I look out and it starts to rain.
It brings back all the pain.
I just want to stop crying.

I want to hear your voice again.
But I look out and it starts to rain.
It brings back all the pain.
It cuts deep into my bleeding heart.

But I look out and it starts to rain.
It brings back all the pain.
I stand here flowers in hand.

This is not how I wanted it.
But I look out and it starts to rain.
It brings back all the pain.
I walk away alone again.

But I look out and it starts to rain.
It brings back all the pain again.
It brings back all the pain.

Goodnight my Love


Made Of Stone

Here I knell, head in hands.
Tears running down my burning cheeks.
Fearing the future, Hating the past.
Alone homeless my heart broken.

A lifetime we laughed and loved.
A world without hate, we had each other.
Each day we became closer.
Each year we became better lovers.

Today there is only silence.
Today my heart is scattered in the wind.
Today my dreams have been lost forever.
Today time has ceased.

The cold stone standing in the garden.
The words carved are only a name and dates.
They give nothing to the person who lies here.
The joy that she once brought, the love she gave to others.

In one moment she was there smiling.
The next it was gone as if erased from piece of paper.
As if she never existed, if only in a dream.
Yet the pain is real and memory vivid.

Here I knell head in hands.
The tears running down my burning cheeks.
Fearing the future, hating the past.
Alone, homeless, broken, and lost.





Cross Design: James Earl Wells Copyright 2009


Forever Lost In Love

The sun warm coming through the window.
The water front foam rolling onto the shore.
The smell of coffee fills the house.
Yet, the bed is missing an important part.

How long has it been?
How much has it hurt?
How many times has warmth turned to cold?

It seems it was just yesterday her smile would wake him.
The sun seemed to make her want to finish what went on last night.
The coffee was never made until the bedroom was quite.
And two naked bodies lay rolled into one.

It was just yesterday when the call came.
She was planting flowers in the planters.
There was nothing they could do.
He dropped the glass and fell to his knees.
That was all he could do.
His world had just ended.

He was numb for months and his work suffered.
His house was a mess.
He walked from the bedroom to the coffee.
Only to the bathroom and closet and office.

What would he do?
No more morning flings.
Or laying rolled naked in silence.
His days did not matter.
And today his life seemed it was through.
He never felt more like life did not matter.

He lays looking out the window.
Yet there is nothing to see.
He lays in the bed.
Without a reason to get up.

And now alone.
What comes now?
His high school sweetheart.
The one he married.
The one he loved.
The one he lived for.


Stock photos for rose.

For The Sake Of My Suffering

As I slowing sit up against the the tree.
I see the corn fields and hear the birds.
And feel the warm breeze on my face.

I have been here before.
A very long time ago.
It was different then.

Yet I don’t what that could be.
I can’t remember when I was here.
But the feeling still runs up my spine.

I lean my head against the tree.
And sleep overtakes my body.
The dreams take over where my thoughts stopped.

Yet they never give me exactly the answers.
They fly me around this field.
I look at the top of the tree.

I come down and stand in the field of corn.
Seeking answers for questions that I cannot ask.
Hours go by it seems and my eyes open.

The sun is in the west and I have a pain in my back.
As I slowly raise up I notice something about the tree.
Letters that seem to have been carved many years ago.

I can see the letters C and M and a plus sign and that is it.
I have no clue what they mean but it feels like they are apart this place.
I turned and I stood before a gate.

I opened it and walked through the rows of headstones.
None of them were people that I knew.
So why would I be here?

I fell to my knees and began to cry.
This feeling overcame me and I did not understand it.
Nor did I understand why I was so sad.

I turn and again I was back at the tree.
This time the corn was gone.
And there was sadness in the air.

OH, how I cried. I begged for it to leave.
I cried out for it to stop. I ask it why it wanted me.
Silence was the only answer in the air.

I woke up this morning and sat up on the side of the bed.
I realized I had not moved from this place for three days.
And I realized that all that I experienced. All I felt. All I seen.

All the suffering and sadness was because you were gone.
Not gone as moved away or took a trip.
But that you were dead.

Alone, I felt alone in the moment.
Lost, because I would never see you again.
Angry, for I would never be able to ask you to forgive me.

Forgive me.
All this pain, all this suffering, all this hurt.
Just because I will never be able to ask you to forgive me.

Just to forgive me.

Tall Field Of Grass

I lay in a field of tall grass,
I felt the warm sun on my skin.
The warm breeze flows across my face.

I fall into a deep slumber.
There stars shine and the sound of water flowing.
I raise up to see the moon lighting up the world.

There before me, a beautiful figure.
She smiles and walks to me from the shadows.
Her nude body glimmers in the moonlight.

She kneels beside me.
Cradles my head and kisses me.
I feel fire run through my veins.

Her eyes look into mine.
Stealing my every thought.
I feel her slowly and gently entering my body.

Just as I feel the moment of pleasure.
Just as we have become one.
My eyes open again.

The tall grass surrounds me.
The sun warm on my skin.
And I am alone again.


I Would

I would ask you to call.
But it is to late now.
I would like to see you.
But I walked away.

I would love you again.
But I hear the fault was mine.
I would always be there for you.
But I broke your heart.

I would say I’m sorry.
But you would never hear it.
I would walk until I found you.
But you would move before I got there.

I would marry you.
But I made my feelings known.
I would kiss you everyday.
But you won’t let me get close.

I would do all these things.
But I was the one who ended it.
I would do more for you than ever.
But I broke your heart and you kept mine.

I would, if only.
I would, if I.
I would, how can I.
I would, but you are gone.
I would, I am alone.
I would, I would, I.


I am alone.
I am.



There has never been a time when you were not on my mind.
I cannot think of time when you were not in my dreams.
I do not remember if I ever fell out of love with you.

I remember your long brown hair.
Your big brown eyes.
I remember your beautiful smile.

There has never been a time when I stopped thinking about you.
I do not remember a time when I did not love you.
I cannot imagine life without you.

I remember the sweet smell of your hair.
The cool summer breeze.
I remember your warm kiss.

There has never been a time when you were not there.
I do not remember you going away.
I cannot imagine a summer night without your soft touch.

I remember the sound of your laugh.
The smell of fresh cut hay.
I remember your warm body next to mine.

So where did we go?
What went wrong?
Why are you gone?

I cannot remember when it ended.
I cannot imagine leaving you alone.
I remember everything but when you were gone.