I don’t know which was stranger when I left home or when I came back. Leaving was not as hard as I thought it would be because I was not alone. Coming back was a nightmare since my Father had passed away. Sometimes it seems like yesterday when everything was cool and now I look at pictures and think of what I lost.
I am not the person I was then. I don’t take the chances that I did when I was young. Those chances put me in the position I am in now. Hips replaced, knees replaced, plate in the neck and a total of two surgeries on each shoulder. It seemed I spent most of the first part of the year 2000 in the hospital.
I also realized some things that I certainly made me this way. As the jobs I worked at were by all means high risk for injuries. And through the years between leaving and today I have searched for answers and asked a lot of questions some which I never got answered.
I loved the days when the picture posted here was taken. That is me second from the left. My great friend and hunting buddy on the left. And the girl and the guy well they got married and had children. They all still live in that small town. I must admit that I have only been back once since my Mother passed away. I can not make myself go there because I want to stay. I want to go into the house where I grew up and lay down in my bed and open my eyes and be right back to those days so long ago.
Understanding all of this has been hard for me. Because of the things that happened back then. Yet I know that since those days are gone they can never be brought back again. I love all my friends and I love the great times we had. I wish I could understand when all of it fell a part. I think I know and it is terrible that I lost the one love that has my heart. I hope she is taking care of it for I never ask for it back.
Lessons learned during our journey in this life is that we can never get time back. And that is what haunts me the most. Are we all in the endless loop of what was and what will be? Can you actually say that today is better than yesterday? Never thought of it this way but I know it is true.
All the dreams and hopes, the laughs and crying and we never knew that one day we would look back and yearn for those precious times back. We could only see what was in front of us. But when we are young we charge head first into places that Angels dare not tread. And because of this we pay for it later. Mentally and Physically.
In a small town you find parking lots at all the Church’s full on Sunday Morning. Sometimes if you do not get there soon enough you have to park a couple of blocks down the street. So you could probably bet that half the population of the town and some who live in the country are sitting in the pews in these Church’s.
They have beautiful stained glass windows, arched ceilings and a place where you get dunked.. LOL And when you make that big step in your life you feel so much different and you want to tell the world. When you are young the Bible is so special to you and the teachings are your guide. You are so excited about your new found faith.
The problem happens when you get older. The things that excited you about your faith are not there anymore. Church’s do a great job of getting youth involved in a lot of activities. One such activity is Church Camp in the summer. And every week your youth club meets when no one is in Church and you share with others in your area (not just the town you live in) and when you get a bunch of young fired up Christians together you take that excitement with you everywhere. You are telling stories to others and they follow up and become members of your youth organization. One big thing is that you meet others from different towns and in two weeks you can bond with them and there are no words that can describe the kind of bonding that you have. You are excited to see them next years and cry because you have to leave after having such a great time learning and playing.
This let down happens to a lot of people when they get older. They just can not get excited like they use to. And you start not going to Church and week by week you become distant from your faith. No matter how many Church’s you go to or meetings and Bible Studies you just can not get that same feeling and that is high that you had when you were young will not come back.
So going home means a visit to the Church you grew up in and another let down because you will not be sitting with the same crowd you use to sit with. And the Minister is different and the feel of what use to be has gone.
Leaving home takes a lot of getting use to. Yet we find ourselves comparing everything with the way it was when we grew up. And that is true. Thing are different and you want back what you had once. That care free no worry life again.
But as I have said before, once that page of life is turned it can never be returned and for that we pay for the things we left undone. The mind is an amazing thing. It always reminds us of what is wrong with our lives and never gives us credit for the good things we have done. And so Leaving Home is also leaving behind the regrets that we have left behind that later in life will haunt us.
Leaving Home. As the Moody Blues put it “You can never go home anymore.” Leaving Home and going out in the world is nothing like you think it would be. So pause for a moment before you Leave Home reflect on what you have there and what have you have done. The Dream lives on yet it almost dies the moment you leave home.