If you been ready this blog you know that the past few posts that I have been discussing Faith. All the hope of finding of where my Faith is going and so I must admit that the point in life when all this happened Faith was never on my mind for many years.
So I thought that I would post on last post on this subject. The Faith that I thought would be my life has been put under fire. Not by others but me. So with conflicting thoughts about what I was here for and why I am really here.
I stop it here because it would take years to explain all the different books and scrolls that make up what most say is a fabrication of history and blaspheme. I will leave the readying and understanding of these books and know that you will understand why that they became an overnight puzzle. You will no doubt read them with a closed mind as you know that The Bible says and will ask why did none of the Apostles ever write of these things? I can only answer that the Apostles that have scripture in The Bible did not write the exact same thing and there were only three that wrote about Jesus and yet nine others did not give an account of Jesus and his Ministry. From that you get the feeling that maybe these are real and there are certain people who do not want you to believe it hence the Church takes a fall from grace. But I will let you make your mind.
Telling all is hard because there are so many things that impacted my life and when you start doubting the very thing you wanted to become you start to think you are at the bottom of a barrel and there is now way out. You can see the light but it will not fall on you because you are so far away.
And then you go through the motions just to keep people from questioning you about not going to Church or some may even ask if there is something wrong. Which brings a thought. I do not like people coming to me pressing me about anything let alone when it comes to my spiritual status. I will shut you down faster than the first word dies down. Sometimes I will even become rude about it because by this point “I just don’t Care.”
I would not think about this for a very long time and it took place when one of the most wonderful things had happened to me. The greatest thing in my life and yet that feeling was short lived because of the lack of support from family. Again I raise my fist to God and again I told him to leave me alone unless he can do a better job. If not I did not want him in my life. And then life went on.
So we go another step in life. One that will also take me to another mistake that makes me question even more. I would never be right again. I would never bring many subjects back up except one. And I had hurt her too so I had to try to fix it and no matter how hard I tried it would never happen and I would be sad and depressed the rest of my life and that step would be a long one. In fact that step has never fully taken since it was never fixed or resolved.
And then it just piles on and on.