A person comes to a point in his life where they challenge the things that they believe. Those wonderful messages and lessons that were taught to us in our childhood. Facing all the troubles that come to us we question if it is just another Santa Claus story. When we get there. We get into the lowest part of our or place that we can go. I have written about that darkness. That dark place in your mind that you store all your troubles and your doubts. And this time you are putting away something that once it is there it may never come back. You love of life and of God can all fall a part in a matter of minutes maybe even seconds. You struggle and push and do everything that you know is right. But to no avail. Then you start the blame game. And all the blame is on God. He is the one. He does not care for me or I would not be where I am at. Yep. God gets put on the back burner. Then you go on with your life never acknowledge God nor do you cross the doorway to his Church. To the most holy places you avoid at all cost. But is that who you really are?
I stopped going to Church. I stopped saying prayers. In fact I never once acknowledged God or talked about it to anyone. Stopped carting around a Bible because I did not see that it would do anything but cause me grief with all the people calling me names or wanting to know my position on a certain subject in the Bible. I wanted nothing to do with it. It was over. I would not talk to or acknowledge God in anyway and if anyone ask I would change the subject.
You can only knell and pray so much and take the silence as a no. Then maybe you were not listening and the answer was yes and he told you but yet you closed your mind to God and you were determined not to listen nor talk to him. You sat writing. You sat in silence. You slept and you’re dreams would cause you great pain.
You are reaching for someone and about the time you would get them they would move somewhere else and again you were trying to catch them. The thing that made it worse it was someone that you know and had broken your ties with them but you wanted them back and so your dreams reflected that but the dreams also told you that this would never happen.
You wake up mad, sweating and crying. Hurting deeply, pouring that salt in the wound and again you shook your fist at God and cursed him and blamed him for everything. You’re bad decisions were the number one reason to blame God. You wanted her back, you want her to love again, however this was not in the cards and you would carry this a long time. So you lost your religion. You would stay away from Church and the Bible and search for something else but you did not know where you would turn. The list of places you would turn would be extensive.
And so the hunt for a new life and a new way to get what you seek would begin……..