As you walk to the car. The images still dancing in your head. That something pulling at you that makes you want to stay. Yet you know that somewhere there is someone who needs you. A family that you have grown from the the ashes of your life. Something you thought you would never have.
You pull away taking one last look and there behind you she stands tears running down her face. You brake and the words come to you on that last night and the image of her pulling away from you’re house later in life after she tells you she is leaving.
You would never see her again. It was done and set in stone. But you put all that in that dark corner of your mind. It is something that haunts you and her face is always right in front of you. You dream of her. She is there and you are about to reach out for her and she goes somewhere else where you see her again. You never get to hold her. She always goes somewhere and you find her but you never get to have her.
It is terrible to think that for all the years and all the tears you still have the want and need to be with her. You want to get forgiveness. You always know that it can never be done. She will never let you get close to her to try and make peace. She does not know the feelings you have.
You come to the main highway and for one last time you look in your rear view mirror for the last time. It looks like the same road you have traveled in your past many many times. You take in a deep breath and slowly turn on the road leading back to town where you will turn and go home not going into the town that would only bring back more memories and more pain
You now have a long drive ahead and there you go again. You start thinking about what you should do if you could see her one more time. Would or could you ever get to that place again. And if you did would you just say hello and how are you and chicken out?
Life is a funny thing and the mind even more complex than life. Why? Why not? Then you daydream again about her. She is always there even though she is far away. You want her more now more than anything. Yet you know you can not have her. She is knows where you are but she will not talk about the last time. And the salt burns into the wound that you created so very long ago.
When you wake up you are staring up at the ceiling in your bedroom and wonder what she is doing now. And was all this a dream? Did you really go and sleep at the side of the lake? Are you waking from a dream or waking up after a long adventure to paradise. The paradise of a time in your life when you knew you were in love and loved to be with that one that you loved.
In the memory you lock that time in your safe which is at that dark place in your mind. You know that place we talked about many days ago. That dark place that you can go. But you let people into that place but they never understand. They remind you of what you have and you know they can not feel the hurt and pain that you are going through daily. How that one person was the one and that the one got away because of the immature boy from long ago. They do not understand all the mistakes that he made after that day.
So for now you close your eyes again knowing that she would be in your dreams again. She never leaves. And when you are alone in the dark you talk to her even though you know she will never hear. And sleep takes you deep into the next dream and the dream is happy and the dream is as one famous writer said “A dream within a dream” (Edgar Allan Poe).
Daytime sheds light on the darkness and the darkness can not defeat the light. For the light is always there to help you but you deny it and put it away and you let that darkness rule your life. For that you will suffer. For that you will be sad. But when the day is over the cycle begins again.
And then there is tomorrow when it becomes The End………………………