When The Darkness Comes

In the darkness no one can see you. You can been seen if you wish to but when the darkness comes and you are all alone the mind can play with you. Not monsters or spirits but the things that you have done or what you are getting ready to do. You mind plays this game you.

First you begin to feel sad. You are all alone. There is no one there to let you cry on their shoulder or hold your had. This is the time that you’er mind goes to that dark corner where you have stored all those bad things. Things that you don’t want anyone to know about and things you do not want to remember. However you can’t stop those things from coming to the surface.

Then what comes from that dark place you begin to cry. You know that you have done something that you can not fix and that you have now made a big mistake and you may never be able to fix it no matter how much you want to try. Once  you open your mouth the words you spout from your mouth can never be take back and that can be in all reality never fix. That can bring on hurt and pain as you would inflict if you had stabbed them with a knife. Words are sharp as a razors edge and quick to cut deep into the heart of someone you love.

If you have hurt someone and they may never forgive you. But they all say you have to forgive yourself first, but when the heart beats and the words come out, there is a hurt that can last a life time. The darkness comes even when the sun shines. You hurt and the other person does not know that you hurt. They may not know that you do not realize that you hurt them. Maybe they said something and you did not hear it or do not remember it. And did not not remember because you did not want to remember? If so this would not make you guilty in you’re mind but in there mind you are a heartless creature that when they felt there best you let them down. You spoke those razor sharp words and now you will not admit it.

This dark place comes and it stays there because it knows that once it has it’s grips on you then you feel like you are going down a mountain with no brakes. The longer that trip takes the more you hurt and the more you feel a need to make things right and then you start crying and you can not stop. You may go days before you get a break from the hurt that you feel. And then the icing on the cake is when you find them they really do have a bad feeling about you, and use sharp words that lets you know that “Oh yes, I know you but …” , that pours salt right into the wound that you have made and you have no one, no one to talk to about this because no one understands. You have no power against the wound that you have inflected. There is no medicine to cure hurt and pain. And time does not cure all.

Yes, when the darkness comes and you look across that lake and see how still it is and how the stars reflect the light back on to you and yet you are alone. And then as many people do a song comes to you mind. Humans sometimes pick songs out at different times in their life and that song defines that part of their life. So you sit there alone and without you or anyone turning on any radio or musical box and the song gets stuck right under that dark place. And now you cry harder.

You alone know and you alone understand why you feel these feelings. You alone have to go through the rest of your life feeling the hurt and knowing that you were so wrong and that you want more than anything to fix it. You might not be able to fix it the way you would have had you not done it in the first place but at least they know that you realize what you have done and that you even though it can never happen still have feelings for them. And what reaction will that bring?

You will never know because you will never tell them. You will take all of this to your grave. Every tear, every pain, every sorrow, every hurt and you will do this everyday. No, get out of Jail card. You are stuck with knowing that if things had been different you might not have ended up doing some things in your life that you did. And that will go with you every minute of everyday and that hurts. It hurts. It feels that someone has reached into your chest and ripped out everything.

Can anyone understand? Will you ever be understood? Can you leave well enough alone? What price do you pay? What part can you give to God because he did not do it, you did and he knows we are human and we are flawed. But sometimes he does not answer and sometimes he does but you are not listening.

In this journey you take every step with caution. And one step off that path can bring joy or pain. That step may take something or someone away from you. And that is when you look to the sky in that dark night with hot tears running down your face and scream in the night air for God to take the pain away.

And then The Darkness Came.


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